Back in 1999 I was a resident of a new subdivision in Phoenix called Anthem. At the time, it was the beginning of a master planned community that now has well over 20000 residents, but then, I was part of one of the first 500 families who lived there. My son was the 98th student to enroll in Anthem Elementary. It started out as a very close-knit community, because everyone there was new to the area, and we began seeking out friends.
We started organizing groups and clubs. I joined a local Bunco group and we had a study group for coach Cheryl Richardson’s new book…the title escapes me all these years later.
And I began a group called A Gathering of Women. It was a social group mostly, but I also wrote blogs for the group and added a bit of “Starr flair” with spirituality and sacredness. Even then I knew there was something larger, something more profound about women coming together to support each other.
Some of the women are my friends still, but many have faded away into history.
It’s 25 years later. Sometimes I can’t even fathom that this much time has passed. I had a conversation with my brother just this morning about the passage of time and felt…some kind of way…when I realized it’s been 47 years since I moved to Arizona at the age of 12.
But time does that…it just does
Through the years, I have built many groups of women and have taken part in other groups. There has been this thread of support and empowerment weaving through my entire life. I can honestly say that being part of a group of women with the sole intention of lifting each other up and embracing all that it means to be female in this day and age is…well…an exquisite opportunity.
As I began this journey on Substack a few days ago, I wasn’t even really thinking about it. I filled in the blanks of the prices I felt were right for paid subscribers and for founding members rather automatically. At first I made what I felt was a “good” incentive for becoming a founding member…but it didn’t feel quite right.
Somehow, I can’t remember how, but somehow I realized that it would be a better idea to offer a group meeting instead. So I changed the offer to a meeting where I would do energy clearings and give readings. That was ok, but I have another group in which I do that already, it still didn’t feel quite right. Even though it seemed to be enough of an offer, something kept my brain working to figure this out.
I began thinking about what I wanted women in the group to experience. I concluded that it’s likely that many of my current clients would want to join, but perhaps there would be new people. I sat with the question…what would they want?
I recalled a phone group that I was in once. We had a weekly call that was spiritual in nature, we shared lessons and we shared our stories about our lives. We supported each other, and then I remembered a quote by the poet Sark
“The circles of women around us weave invisible nets of love that carry us when we’re weak, and sing with us when we are strong.”
That…I wanted to create that. And honestly, there is really not much to do as a facilitator of such a group but to lay a few ground rules about honoring one another’s process and not offering solutions unless one is sought.
Beyond that, you just sit back and let the women do what women do.
I have always said that women have gathered for centuries to work together, to help raise each other’s children, to support each other and to listen and nurture each other. Our history is a rich tapestry of such things. Women did this when they had no rights and were considered property. They then gathered together to change that, to demand that they could vote and then to demand they had equal rights. They’ve burned bras, had bake sales, healed the wounded, built airplanes, made quilts.
Women step up when it’s necessary and they support and empower each other along the way.
This is what I want, this is what I offer, a safe space for women who are too damn busy to breathe anymore. A place where they can lay aside their to do list and their toughness to just allow themselves to be supported. To exist in that invisible net of love.
I was talking with my client Rebecca the other day, and honestly I think she has been sent by Spirit to inspire me.
Like many of my clients, she is knee deep in her career and also caring for her child and her mother and father who are aging. She supports everyone around her but herself, she just doesn’t have time to breathe much less practice any solid self-care.
I told her that I was surprised one day to realize that MANY of my clients are working in the corporate world with energy that is inherently masculine, and they come to me to figure out the spiritual aspects of the connections they are making with others.
Rebecca said “The tougher they have to be in the real world, the more people need someone else to help them find and hold their vulnerability. Without that there is no authenticity”
And then she added “I know that’s what I’m afraid of – getting judged”
I can’t tell you how many times this has been expressed to me in one way or another. I have another client who was working in an incredibly toxic health care environment. She absolutely balked when I said that perhaps she could allow a little bit of vulnerability to shine through. She told me there was absolutely NO WAY that could happen. She would have been eaten alive.
I have yet another client who has to cover up her beautiful purple hair and tattoos whenever she goes to work. Talk about hiding the real you!
And another who was given a promotion only to find that the people above her are unwilling to share their load, to let go of the responsibilities they hold. She’s paid a bunch more money to do basically the same job as she did before and it’s frustrating. She moved up because she wanted to grow…the money is nice, but she wants to be challenged, she wants to help.
Each of these women come to me to understand what is happening, what the spiritual aspect is of the path they are on. Some have actually left their positions after they recognize how toxic they are. Some dream of one day doing what they love and helping people in a different way, but can’t because the pay is too good, or the benefits are amazing.
They all need a safe space to allow their vulnerability and authenticity to shine.
And this is why I decided that my founding members need that space. This is the birth of the Wise Women’s Circle.
I want to provide that space and find joy in watching such things awaken in them. I know that this will cause a ripple effect in all of their relationships, that they will find space for their authenticity to shine, even if it’s not in the workplace. I know that they will discover that they are She-roes in their own stories.
I must make that space for them.
The other day, I heard my cat Emma playing with something on the tile floor. It sounded metal and she doesn’t have any toys that are metal, so I investigated. It was my Aunt Val’s ring; one that I remember her wearing vividly, one that she loved. It’s too tiny to fit on my hands so I found a chain and placed the ring on it. I sat in meditation and thought about why it had come to me that day….funnily enough, the day that I began this blog.
So I asked…why Aunt Val? What are you trying to remind me of? What did you do in your lifetime that I need to know about?
And the answer that came to me was a surprise…
“I was never a woman of any consequence, I was a woman who was acted upon but who never took any action on her behalf, I ended up at the mercy of people who didn’t like me very much and I died alone…I want you to fight for me, I want you to remember not to do that”
I began thinking about my ancestors, I call them my Grannies and I speak to them often. I think about their lives. About Jane-Ann who died at 42 in childbirth, about Cynthia who died at 55 controlled her entire life by men who didn’t think much about women and who used “god’s word” to control her, about Marilla who ran a walnut farm on her own after her husband died and Polly who lied to union soldiers about seeing any confederate soldiers around while her sons were recovering from their wounds in her attic. About Fern who lost her father at the age of 4 and was “farmed out” as a child, working on farms, washing dishes. About how she was working the switch board in Long Beach during the earthquake and had to stay at her station even though the building was crumbling around her.
These women…heroes…nurturers and somehow never “women of any consequence”.
I wear Aunt Val’s ring and I do the work I do in their honor. I dedicate my business and my community service to them.
As I recognized this today, I went into meditation thinking about them. I used my Divine Connections method to focus on a location related to my heart chakra. It’s a beautiful log cabin in the middle of the forest near Oak Creek in Sedona. I’ve been to the ruins of this cabin and I love to picture it in my visions. My Great Grandfather Marc and my dad hang out there. Until recently I had never gone inside the cabin, but lately I had discovered that my Grannies are in there.
I envisioned myself walking up to the porch and greeting Grandpa Marc. He said…”yep, the women are in there and they are really uppity today’. When I went in I was greeted by each one with joy and laughter. We went out the back door to howl at the moon and we played in the creek. It was a beautiful vision.
May we all be uppity women, may we honor the women who came before us, may we find the support we need in the circle of women around us.
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