“you aren’t a plumber…NONE of this stuff is in your wheel house!”
This was the message that came into my head yesterday as I left Mom’s house.
It was a regular visit…in that regular visits are always fraught with feelings of “not enoughness”
And it’s no one’s fault but my own.
Mom is always grateful…but in her heyday she could have fixed all of this.
Me? Not so much.
Yesterday I went over to find that her Hoveround chair had a wheel problem. I changed the wheel to one that she had from before, the other one was shot. We’re literally “limping along” while we wait for an entirely new chair that should be arriving any day now.
In the middle of this, the cat jumped off her leg and left a big scratch, she started bleeding and I couldn’t find the stuff to clean it, but I got her a paper towel and went back to working on the chair.
And then I went to the bathroom and discovered that the toilet I tried to fix a month ago is leaking profusely…
Even now tears of frustration begin to form…
On my way home I worried that I hadn’t tightened the bolt on the wheel…and I prayed that it wouldn’t come off…I worried about the cat scratch getting infected…I worried about the toilet…
It’s often like this. I go over, there’s a bunch of things to fix, I get most of them done well enough and some not at all…
And then I judge myself harshly for not getting it all done and not being good enough to properly fix things
And I forget that…
👉I don’t know how to do most of the stuff…but I try anyway
👉 I’m here. I moved here and left my kids and my life in Phoenix behind to come up here
👉I knew this would be the hardest thing I’ve ever done…and I did it anyway.
👉It is indeed the hardest thing I’ve ever done, harder than I ever could have imagined and I’m still doing it
👉I am not a plumber, I am not a mechanic, I am not a carpenter…hell I am not even handy!
👉Just because something is fixable… doesn’t mean I’m the one to fix it
It reminds me of that quote “Everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree…”
I feel like I fall short on home repairs every single time…I just do
It is definitely NOT in my genius zone.
Ya know what is?
💜 Compassion
💜 Listening
💜 Communication
💜 Community building
💜 Caring for people
💜 Helping people heal
💜 Teaching & guiding
I do those things really well.
If only I could fix a toilet with Compassion 🙄
But I just can’t
So this morning, I’ll do my meditation on this feeling of helplessness
I’ll breathe in my “not enoughness” and breathe out “compassion” first for myself, and then for those I know who feel this way, then for the world.
I can’t fix things…but I can adjust my thoughts and I can do my part to help others who feel the same.
And that will be “enough”
I’m grateful for this lesson.
Believe me when I say…
💜 If you’re a caregiver, I see you. I know it’s hard, thank you for all that you do
💜 If you’re trying and not perfect at something…I see you, thank you for showing up
💜 If you’re a “fish trying to ride a bicycle” I see you, thank you for trying… it’s ok to let go if it’s not right for you. You don’t have to be good at everything
We all struggle, we all try, we’re all brilliant at something.
Give yourself and each other a break.
We’re all doing the best we can
🙏💙💚🧡❤️💜🙏