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In life we sometimes come across situations where we forget to simply acknowledge our emotions. I always go by the saying “you can feel an emotion and not do anything about it”. The problem comes when you forget to actually feel the emotion. Oftentimes we are “too busy” to stop for a moment and acknowledge what we feel…and sometimes that becomes a problem. 

Feeling as though I was somewhat “blocked’ the other day, I decided it was time to check in and see if I could figure out what was going on inside. 

In my Divine Connections course, I use a meditation that allows you to connect to your spirit guides through  your energetic chakra system.  

Part of the method involves imagining or creating a vision of a specific physical location, once “there” we ask for a guide to join us. Each of our Chakras are related to certain emotional issues, and so we can ask our guides for information related to them. Typically, once a location for a chakra is established, we return to that place again and again, adding artifacts and details as we become more familiar with our vision. 

In my vision today, I wanted to explore my heart chakra. My guide here is my Great Grandfather Marcus, and the location is a cabin in the woods. Sometimes our locations are places that are familiar to us and sometimes they come directly from our imagination. This particular location is an actual place I have been. It’s the West Fork of Oak Creek in Sedona. There once was a farm with an apple orchard in this place. Years ago, the family that lived there had a rock wall with an archway. They planted English ivy along the wall and now, years later, the ivy has taken over the forest. There are tall red rocks surrounding it and Oak Creek winds its way through. It’s one of the most magical places on earth. 

As the scene in my vision unfolded, I started out next to the creek in the forest covered with ivy. There is a trail from the creek that leads to the cabin. Grandpa Mark is sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch waiting for me. I already know a part of the answer to the question I have come to ask…but he has more to tell me.

The question is…what am I holding in my heart that I need to let go of? 

I’m suddenly reminded of another vision from years ago. Back then, a guide touched my cheek and said “you have a black spot on your heart”

I thought I had rid myself of the black spot…but apparently not as much as I had imagined.

The black spot, Grandpa Mark confirms for me, is bitterness and resentment. 

It’s come creeping back lately. I’ll be honest.

I’ve battled with it, I’ve done a lot of the work and have certainly reasoned that I “shouldn’t” feel that way

…but here I am feeling it anyway. 

Funny thing about feelings. You can decide that you don’t want to feel them, but that only sends them underground. Unresolved feelings need a place to land. Refusing to feel what you feel is the first step to creating “dis-ease” in your body. With nowhere to go and no release in sight, your body creates a physical reaction to the stuck energy.

By simply acknowledging a feeling…any feeling…without judgment, the energy is released. It’s a simple, momentary process. If you say “huh, I seem to feel resentment about this” you are allowing a fleeting feeling the opportunity for release. The feeling, once acknowledged, goes away. Denial, or just refusing to feel what you feel in the moment, keeps the vibrational energy of an emotion stuck in your body. 

I am an absolute pro at denying my feelings. 

It used to be because I didn’t feel like I had the right. Now,  I’ve noticed a new “flavor” of my old “stuffing down” habit; I’m too busy. 

No…no longer the victim, I have every right to feel what I feel, I just don’t have the time.

Total bullshit I know.

And Grandpa Mark was on hand to let me know. 

He said to me:

 “Girl, don’t hold this resentment in your heart a minute longer, it will kill you. 

Your mama is doing the best she can, and you are doing the best you can. I’m proud of you and I’m proud of her and I want you to know that. I want you to remember that you and your mama deserve all the good things that are coming to you, but mostly you deserve the love you have given to others. 

You deserve it sweetheart. There is plenty of it to go around and there will be plenty of time to give it to your kids and your grandkids, don’t even worry about that. For now, just be patient, give your Mama a break. You have a huge heart and that is never wrong. 

Don’t leave people in the lurch, not knowing what they meant to you, make sure they know.

The world has enough harshness, you seem to think you need to be equally as harsh as the world is, but that just never works. You don’t have to be tough anymore sweetheart. Be soft, be kind, use your big old heart to make the change you want. Just love the people around you and make sure they know that love comes from you”

I hadn’t even realized…which, I suppose is the point of the meditation. By not giving myself the time to recognize my feelings, they had all become lumped into one big old black spot on my heart called “resentment”. 

Not for nothin’, I mean, come on, the world sure is crazy right now…

As and empath and intuitive, I keep feeling THAT resentment…the COLLECTIVE resentment about times past when things were simpler and cheaper, when we didn’t have to worry about corrupt governments or civil wars or inflation and gas prices, global warming, bodily autonomy, the economy, finding work…not finding work…global warming, fires…floods

I resent all of that ALONG WITH all the crap I have to manage around Mom and family…aging dogs that have come to live with me, a beautiful granddaughter that I have yet to meet in person because of my obligations. Wheelchairs, doctors, chores all while trying to run a business… 

There are a shit ton of things that I have been carrying…a lot of worry, a lot of anxiety and I don’t think I am alone in this. As a matter of fact, I know I am not. 

And yes, while we must be firm and we must call out the crappy stuff when we see it,  we don’t have to set up camp in the Land of Resentment. 

We can give ourselves a break. We can find the light. We MUST find the light. 

It is scary right now, and there IS a lot on all of our collective plates. 

But like Grandpa Mark says…

You don’t have to be tough anymore sweetheart. Be soft, be kind, use that big old heart of yours to make a difference”

Take a breath. Find some peace. Be the light. 

Love more. 

And above all…feel those emotions! You don’t have to do anything…just acknowledge that they are there and watch them go away. You can always come back and do more investigating if the feeling keeps coming back. Remember to give yourself a break, you’re doing the best you can.