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What does it mean to Stand In Your Truth?

Let’s face it, from an early age, we’re taught to lie.

It’s not meant to be that way, but as kids, we were told to be polite, to not hurt other people’s feelings, to agree. We were trained to lie from the moment our mothers taught us the rhyme “sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of”

Standing in your truth means that you unapologetically state what is true for you or about you…no matter what.

You don’t people please.

You don’t bend.

You don’t sugar coat it.

You say words out loud.

You can see the problem for most women, right?

We weren’t raised that way.

We were taught to accommodate; that others feelings were much more important than ours. So much so, that we often have a continual tape running in our heads telling us what is proper behavior, what is expected of us, how we should look, act, think.

I remember the days when I couldn’t stand in my truth. I honestly didn’t know what my truth was. Even worse was that I was an incredible people-pleaser and a chameleon. I would be one way with my party friends, another way with family, still another way with my husband yet another way with someone else! I couldn’t say words out loud that may have caused disagreement, I couldn’t actually say no. I gossiped in order to feel important and “in the know”.

And I considered myself an honest person.

I wasn’t.

It’s hard for me to admit that.  I have always valued honesty above all else, and yet, for years, because I couldn’t actually tell the truth (much less admit it to myself) people were often angry with me for lying.

Because…well…

I lied every time I denied myself.

I lied every time I agreed to something I didn’t want to do.

I lied every time I said yes when I wanted to say no.

I lied every time I tried to be whatever I thought people wanted me to be.

I lied when I didn’t speak up.

The fact is, I was a liar and I didn’t even realize it.

So many instances from my life are jumping into my mind at the moment. Like the night I pushed my older brother away and screamed at him because the rage inside of me was so huge; up until that very moment, he had no idea I was capable of such anger. Or the courage it took the time I told a friend, when she asked me, that I didn’t like the painting in her room and discovered that she still liked me anyway. And of course all the times I got caught in my own trap because I just couldn’t say what was true for me. One of those traps was a 5 year marriage.

Actually, I think it was that marriage that did the trick. I just shake my head when I consider how much I tried to fit into the box of what I thought that man wanted me to be. I swear I think I lied to him every day from the minute I said I’d go out with him until I said “We need to get a divorce”. Ugh.

I never intended to be a liar. I just wanted to be loved, I wanted to make other people happy, I wanted people to like me…and well…in some ways, rescue me. That was just a deadly fucking combination for me. It was a soul sucking, dangerous combination.

Getting trapped in that 5 year marriage woke me up. Somewhere in the middle of it, I found that I had completely lost my voice. I decided that I would figure out who I was and start living from that place. I slowly began telling the truth to my friends about who I was and what I liked.

Telling my ex that I wanted out was the next step. We had the fastest divorce on record. I told him in November, and our divorce was final 5 months later in next April.

There was still some lying and people pleasing for a bit after that, but I just really got tired of the drama. On some level, I decided to tell the truth every single day, even when it was uncomfortable. It often turned out the only really uncomfortable part was in my head. I soon discovered that I could tell other people the truth…my truth…and they could handle it.

And the best part? Nobody died. I didn’t, they didn’t. The world survived me telling the truth.

It seems that the more truths I told, the more I wanted to tell! I found my voice again.

The big test came when I had to tell my mom and my family that I’m an intuitive and that I talk to Angels and Spirits. It was a choice I wrestled with for a long time, but finally but it came down to this single thought that enabled me to say the words.

“Well…it’s not like they don’t already know I’m different”

The truth is, I knew very well that as soon as I told Mom, the whole family would know. I wasn’t really sure how that was going to go. True to form, however, Mom took it in stride and loved me anyway. There are family members who have chosen to reject me for my beliefs but even that doesn’t hurt too much. I’ve been honest with them; I’ve let them know that I still love them and that they are welcome to ask me questions if they have any.

But the most liberating thing that came out of that bit was that I stood firm. I stood in my truth.

I didn’t bend or try to accommodate or even try to let them know that we share many beliefs in common. I didn’t justify. I just said ”this is who I am, it’s ok if you don’t agree. I still love you anyway. “

I wasn’t a radical or argumentative. I learned that either they handle my truth or they don’t and if they don’t, that’s not my problem.

Having come from that place, integrity is everything for me now. It’s the sweet spot in my existence. It’s where I stand and it feels incredibly good.

So…can you do it? Yes, you can.

Is it scary? Yes it is.

But the fear that you have is based in this whole idea of not-enoughness, in the lies we were told as kids, in the sense that we’re not lovable if we don’t accommodate.

And that is the biggest lie of all.

Don’t believe it for a second.

 

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