So many times we feel taken advantage of, and used… it seems as though we give so much of ourselves to others and never receive anything back.
The thing is… the problem isn’t them. It’s us. We must learn to be clear on why we’re giving and what our expectation is when we do so. Truly, if giving to another hurts or leads to disappointment, you shouldn’t be doing it.
Have a look at the vintage me blog in which I learned why this was happening.
I give and give and give…I am a very loving person…why isn’t this working??
So…here’s your scenario:
You are a giving person, you take care of people, it’s how you roll. You give freely because it feels good, and you want to make people happy and still, you end up getting your heart broken, still you end up in a relationship in which you are not valued. If you’re like me, you end up crying on your bathroom floor wondering what the hell is wrong with you and why can’t you find the one guy who will love you and give to you as much as you give to him?
Sound familiar? Ok…maybe not the crying on the bathroom floor part…I just like to cry and get things out…but still, you get the picture.
Well…sweetheart, it’s because what you are really giving away is your power.
How do I know?
If the words “I give and give and give” are part of your vocabulary you are giving away your power.
I know because I did it A LOT!
I would give, I would bend, I would contort, I would understand and make excuses for people, be the one to do all the work in the relationship because…oh…I don’t know…he’d been hurt, he needed my love, he needed me to help him heal, he was great in bed. Worse yet, if I was anywhere near true awareness, I would give because if I didn’t, I would be alone and I didn’t want to be alone.
In the midst of all this giving, I couldn’t wait to tell my girlfriends about the “great new guy” I was dating even though we had been on one date and I was waiting to hear back from him about the 2nd. I would make him sound like he was just the most incredible person even though when I was with him I felt like there was no way I could introduce him to my friends. I would answer his texts in the middle of trying to get my work done and never tell him I was working and needed a bit of time. I wanted to make sure I was there for him; I wanted to be sure we connected, because lord knows, he might be busy later and I’d miss it.
Do any of these sound familiar…or am I the only one?
I don’t think I’m the only one. I think there are a lot of us out there…trying to cure the world. While we’re rescuing others, we’re failing to turn the cure on ourselves. We’re failing to see that we have value.
The truth is, the only way anyone else will see our value is if we see it first.
It’s not a matter of proving it to anyone. Once you see it and really, REALLY believe in it, it won’t be necessary to prove yourself to anyone ever again.
Once you see your value, once you love yourself, you can choose when to give and when to hold back. You will no longer be looking to another to tell you are good enough because you know. You will be so full of self-love that you will see when others are not. You will see when they need a helping hand and when they are just spinning their wheels. You can see where they are stuck and you will be wise enough to know that it is up to them to choose… just as you did… to become unstuck. You will know that ultimately, you can’t make anyone happy, you can only choose to be happy.
Your energy will help people without you ever actually doing anything and you will have love to spare.
And that my dear is when things will start to work.
Some lessons are so incredibly simple… and so complex. There is a difference between helping and enabling. If you need help with this, send me a message (click here: http://yonderstarr.com/coaching/) and let’s figure it out together