Forgiveness – We have all heard the saying that being unforgiving is like taking poison and hoping the person that you’re mad at dies.
Forgiveness is an active, not a passive process.
I have three rules for forgiveness,
1. Don’t forgive until you’re ready – process your anger and other emotions first
2. Keep forgiving until it takes – triggers exist, you may have to forgive more than once
3. Forgive yourself too – even if your contribution to the situation was .0005%…forgive yourself for that little part
Forgiveness is the end result after you have done the work to eliminate and process the negative feelings attached to past events.
Through this process, you set yourself free from the past and step boldly into your true power.
The videos presented here are from 2014 or 15. I had just finished my 2nd divorce.
Between my first and 2nd marriage, I did A LOT of work on forgiveness and I wrote a few blogs about it. So this is me in 2014 talking about things I had written in 2007.
Believe me…when I look back at these videos from back then, I can tell you that I still had a lot of work to do.
But…the good news is, I did it and as awkward as it is for me to watch these videos, I am really glad that I made them because I feel like I was closer to the issues then and it comes across.
The best thing that happened from all of that is that I came up with Mama Starr’s 3 rules for forgiveness
- Don’t Forgive Until You’re Ready – be mad…do that first, manage those emotions and when you’re done being mad, forgive IF YOU WANT TO. If you don’t want to, just leave it alone until you do.
- Keep Forgiving Until It Takes – You can forgive and then you can get triggered again and you’ll need to go back through the feelings, address the anger and then go back to rule number 1 and forgive again when you’re ready.
- Forgive yourself too – Even if your part in the whole disaster is small or non existent, experience has taught me that I must forgive myself for making the choices that got me into the situation. Forgiving yourself is the hardest thing to do ever. It’s worth the work and it must be done so that you don’t repeat the pattern over again.
Don’t Forgive Until You’re Ready
When we talk about creating a joyful life, we have to talk about forgiveness. After all, it is where you begin. In order to create joy, you have to let go of the past.
I have two favorite sayings about it…let me share them with you.
“Forgiveness is a courageous act. It is an active, not a passive process. It is ultimately about releasing the power another has over you and grabbing on to your own power”
“Sometimes you have keep forgiving until it takes”
Back in the midst of my divorce, there was A LOT of forgiving to do! At the time, I processed my thoughts about it in my blog. This first one is at the beginning of the process and oh my, I was angry. I was hurt; I was a lot of things. If Forgiveness was the sun, I was sitting somewhere on the other side of Pluto. I knew it and I defiantly declared that I didn’t really care.
I was mad.
So, here it is: the day I realized that I needed to forgive and found myself unable to gather up the courage to go there.
Keep Forgiving Until It Takes
In the last blog from my divorce days, I wrote about knowing that I needed to forgive someone and not knowing how or if I could. This next part picks up a week or so later when the person I had been gossiping about confronted me via email.
Forgive Yourself Too
Our final installment of the forgiveness series.
Remember to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or check in with the chat group if you need help!