So… Yes… My 2nd marriage was a big fat lie.
And I was well and truly stuck.
And worse than that… He had a LOT of money and he married me because I didn’t really think money was that important.
Funnily enough apparently, I also didn’t think my integrity was that important either.
Now… 10 years later, I can tell you that my integrity is more important than just about anything. I have to look at myself in the mirror each day and I like me. I respect me, I trust me.
I didn’t then.
I always say, it’s a hell of a thing to have your 2nd husband say the exact same thing to you that your first husband did.
And when that happened, I had a choice.
I could think they were both assholes and not telling the truth.
Or I could figure that there was one true common denominator in the equation and it was me.
I chose the 2nd option.
As painful as it was, I decided that if I did nothing else, I could figure out how the hell I got to where I was. And I could learn to make better choices.
And I tried at the marriage. I really did.
It finally got to the point where I said to him “look, we need counseling and if you’re not going to go, I’ll go by myself”
He agreed to go.
And we went for a few months until our therapist fired us.
Yeah… It was that bad.
But I still wanted to figure out what the hell happened.
I wanted to know where I went and how I lost my voice.
I needed to find me again.
And so I dug into Spirituality. I went to meditations, I read, I found teachers. I’d been doing it all along, but now I had a goal and a cause.
I was tired of living a lie.
I wanted to find the truth.
My 2nd husband had one philosophy that served me “happy wife, happy life”.
So whatever I wanted to learn, whatever helped me grow and be more peaceful… He was happy to pay for.
And that was when I took the Manuy Ki rites and met my first guide.
And then I met The Grannies. My ancestral guides.
And I met a guide named Shanti who told me that I had a black spot on my heart.
And that was when a friend who was also a therapist taught me about Internal Family Systems so that I could manage all the parts of myself that transformed and changed and protected me by creating chaos in order to protect my inner child.
I learned meditation, I learned to strengthen my Intuition. I learned to hold space for others.
And one night I went to a large group healing. And for some reason, I watched energetic healers and kept putting myself at the back of the line for a reading.
And when I finally got my Angel reading… The girl said “The Angels don’t have an answer to your question, they want you to know… That you know… You always know.”
And that was when I realized… That yes… I’ve always known. Since I was a child… I’ve KNOWN. I’ve always had some force that has kept me from complete disaster… And danger.
I just know.
And slowly, I started telling the truth to my friends and they still loved me.
Slowly… I told the truth to everyone but my husband.
And around that time I got my first Angel Card deck. For some reason I kept pulling the “Truth and Integrity” card.
I really hated that card.
And it took me a while. But eventually I told the truth to my husband. And told him I wanted a divorce.
It was the fastest, easiest divorce in history. I walked away with enough money to live on for about 6 months, but in our 5 years together, he had paid off my credit cards, paid off my car and kept my family afloat when my first husband couldn’t pay child support. He paid for my education and anything I wanted really. I couldn’t in good conscience take away his business…even tho I could have.
I just wanted out.
I help women live a life of integrity
I help women discover the truth of their lives
I help women discover their Spiritual gifts
I help other women become more of themselves 😊