I first came across this phrase back in 2006 when I was going through my divorce. I remember saying it to my best friend and making her laugh. I wrote about it here, and I talked about how instead of acting on my feelings, or rather “acting out” based upon the uncomfortable feelings I was going through, I instead chose to just sit with the feelings.
Alone in my head without adult supervision…what does it mean exactly?
Any time your thoughts are running rampant in your head without any relief…you are there.
Think about a 2 year old left unsupervised…
Or a pair of 4 year olds.
It reminds me of a time that I was on the phone with a friend and came downstairs to find my 4 year old twins covering each other in flour.
I asked them what they were doing.
They said “being ghosts Mom!”
I cracked up.
They were playing and focused and having fun. They weren’t thinking about mom having to clean up the mess they made.
As adults, it’s important to connect with our playful selves, it’s important to have that childlike wonder and allow our minds to be free. It’s important to get the rest we need and to allow our minds to wander; to be silly and to laugh and to notice the sunlight and experience the child-like joy of the world.
In these times it’s really important to allow the adult in our head to take a break and allow the fun to come through.
But there’s a shadow side (isn’t there always?)
When we’re faced with difficult or scary choices, our thoughts can get caught in a loop. We play all the negatives in our head over and over again, the pressure builds and we can’t find a way out. That’s when we are alone in our heads without adult supervision.
The other day a client called me in desperation, she’d been making herself crazy for the past couple of days stuck between two crappy situations. She had to make a decision, but neither of the choices she saw were desirable.
She was miserable and she needed a way out.
She couldn’t see her way out because she was caught up in the fear of the consequences, and she was frozen. And because she was frozen, she couldn’t see the multiple other possibilities available to her.
Being alone in your head without adult supervision does that to you.
Your brain gets caught in a loop, you can’t make a decision and much worse, you can’t SEE the possibilities for escape. You end up making a crappy decision based upon fear and anxiety. You just make ANY choice in order to be relieved of the pressure.
And that choice usually leads you to another crappy scenario.
It’s like when you’re playing pool and you don’t have a good shot. You look at the table, you see there are no good angles, but you have to take the shot right? This leads to the choice to just “hit it and holler shit”. You take the shot and even before the ball stops rolling, you yell “shit” because you know it’s not going to end well.
We get caught up in thinking that we are a victim of our circumstances and there’s just no good solution. It’s in these moments that we need to step back, take a breath and let the adult in our head take over.
How do you do that?
First , you notice your thoughts. When you feel the pressure in your head, when you can’t seem to get a breath, pay attention.
Your first goal is awareness, notice that you’re stuck.
Second…take a breath. A deep one…as a matter of fact, take a couple.
Third, let it be. Let it be as in allow whatever feelings you have to exist, and don’t do anything about them.
Now take that breath again
Put some space between the fearful thoughts and action. Vow to not take ANY action while you’re afraid. Universal Law dictates that when you make a choice based upon fear, your results are sketchy at best…and really, really bad at worst. Give yourself permission to not do anything until you can get your head clear.
Remember the mantra “all is well in this moment”.
When you have fearful thoughts, your brain activates the amygdala which produces the fight or flight response. The reality is that we’re rarely in a true fight or flight situation. Our continued drama scenarios dull those senses. Say to yourself “all is well in this moment” take a breath and get your brain to stop producing those chemicals.
Then bring in the adult in your head to clean up the flour you’ve left all over the place, get you in a bath, and find the multitude of choices that are available.
Want help with this? Join my 12 Universal Laws Course and learn how to use Universal Law to control your thoughts and create the life you love.
Have questions? Contact Starr for answers!