Ok, so first…I recognize that most people think intuitives are just weird, so for an intuitive to tell you that she had a weird day…it was a really weird day!
So, get ready, cuz we are headed into the land of Woo!
It actually started for me the day before yesterday. Scott and I are heavily in to Universal Law and manifesting. We know that one of the most powerful things you can do is to write down your dreams and goals…to just let loose and imagine everything that you want so that you can put that energy out into the Universe! It was my idea to write down the next home that we want to manifest.
As soon as I started writing, I felt resistance. I heard the words in my head “this is not for you”. We kept going anyway and wrote out everything that we could think of. I know that I can’t manifest something if there is any part of me that has resistance; it must be investigated and cleared. I made a mental note to check into it when I wrote in my journal next.
Yesterday morning when I got up, I sat down with my coffee and my journal and asked the question “is there any part of me that feels that this is not “for” me. And soon I was flooded with reasons why I shouldn’t be wealthy…because millionaires are evil people and I’m not evil, because people with lots of money don’t care about anybody but themselves, because I should struggle, it’s noble to struggle. As the list went on and on, I became aware that none of this was related to this lifetime. It felt ancestral to me.
One of my friends reads Akashic records, so I sent her a quick text and asked her if there was a curse or karmic debt there. She said she would check and let me know.
I felt a pull to check into my paternal ancestors in North Carolina, the Tatham family. Because it was a southern state, I knew there was possibly slavery in my family history, and I also knew that the Tatham’s owned land that had something to do with the Trail of Tears…the displacement of thousands of Native Americans that led to sorrow, disease and death.
I began researching the Trail of Tears…and my family’s tie to it and discovered the horrific experience for so many people and the thousands and thousands of deaths that resulted from it. My family owned land in Andrews, North Carolina at the beginning of the route; they had allowed a road to be built in Tatham Gap to facilitate the move. Not only that, the original Tatham settler in that area of, had as his nearest neighbor a Native American chief who had saved the life of a white general. A generation later, our family stood by while the Cherokee tribe was forcibly moved to Oklahoma.
So, there was ancestral betrayal…and I felt it. Horribly.
My friend who does the Akashic records messaged me and said that there was a curse on my spirit from 25 lifetimes ago and it now manifests in my lifetime as self doubt. Well yeah, I get that. I push past it now, but it has taken me a long time to learn to do so. I tucked that away in my mind and started my work for the day.
My first task was to do some angel card readings for a couple of clients. As I shuffled the cards…nothing came….NOTHING! I cut the cards into three piles and pulled a card from each pile and still nothing came to me. At first I thought that perhaps I was in judgement about the person I was reading for. I was at least told “no, that’s not it”. I prayed and tried to pull cards again…still nothing. I knew that I needed to talk to my Akashic record friend and actually had a call scheduled with her that morning. So I sent a message to my clients and told them that I was blocked and I would get back to their readings in a couple of hours.
Then I connected with my friend. And that was even weird, we were blocked, the electronics didn’t cooperate, some info was trickling through for me to assist her, but nothing major. It was just a struggle and we talked about the Trail of Tears thing. I told her that I live near a reservation, perhaps I need to go out there and put my feet on the ground and apologize. I said that I wish I knew a Native American, maybe I need to just be all weird and apologize to someone, or maybe I needed to do some kind of ceremony…but I the only “indian” that I knew was an “India Indian”.
We finished our chat and my friend said that she would dig into my Akashic record more thoroughly and report back.
I went into the office to try to work and pull those cards again and was told by Spirit that I couldn’t work in the office, that I had to go work in my room. So, I grabbed all my stuff and headed into my room. Just as I sat down and tried to get organized, I received a phone call.
It was my “India Indian” friend. She called to tell me something important she had just discovered about astrology and client attraction, she was like…”I know you know this stuff” and I just started laughing. I honestly know NOTHING about astrology but I explained how my morning had gone. I told her that it couldn’t have been a mistake that she called JUST then.
And…she lives in North Carolina.
I said “I feel like I need to apologize to someone”
And she said “well, I think you need to apologize to me”
I said “well, but you’re an India Indian”
And she said…”in this lifetime, yes”
So, I apologized and told her how deeply sorry I was for the betrayal and harsh treatment of my ancestors…and I felt the sorrow and remorse.
She accepted my apology and said ”I feel like I gotta go outside”
I started to get the chills and said…”OK me too, now when you get out there, point yourself in the direction of Andrews …it’s west of you”
She said she had no idea where that was, she was directionally challenged, but she was standing outside with her feet in the earth.
I went outside, and faced the Hualapai Mountains with my feet in the dirt too.
It was 90 degrees outside and I had goosebumps all over. So did she.
Even now as I write this…I’ve got the goosebumps!
And believe me when I tell you…the two of us were just giggling hysterically by this point.
We ended our call and she promised to send me more information later.
When I came back in, it became clear that I could now go back to the office to do my work. I was able to do my readings…but had little time to finish because I had to get my mom to a doctor’s appointment.
I got them done and then rushed to grab some lunch, get dressed and rush out the door.
As soon as I got in my car, I felt the presence of another spirit and knew that it was my great grandfather from my mother’s side. I said out loud “what can I do for you Marcus?” and received “do the same for the Bonners too”. The Bonners…what did they do? What could that have been? I said “I will” and then he was gone.
I don’t know much about the Bonners, but I did recall hearing a family story about Marcus and my great grandmother Melinda participating in the Oklahoma land rush…I didn’t know much, but it felt like the thread I needed to be investigated.
I called Scott to tell him what had just happened and he said “of course, this makes sense, your family has had an issue with the land that they owned and we have been talking about purchasing land, of course you have to clear it.”
I went on about my business for the rest of the day, got mom to the doctor, then the store, then home. I came home and had dinner and finished the rest of my work for my muggle clients, finished up a couple more readings and then stayed at my computer to figure out what the heck Markus had to do with the Oklahoma land rush.
I found a document that I have had for years, it was a genealogical history written by my mom. I found the legend of Markus and Melinda Bonner participating in the Cimarron Land Rush in Oklahoma in 1889.
Scott and I began scouring the internet and ancestry.com for clues. Markus was in Kansas at the time, near the Oklahoma border, but Melinda was pregnant and in addition had with 3 toddlers in April of 1889.
The more I dug, the more I realized…my ancestors…they didn’t know at the time, but by today’s standards, they were assholes…
My paternal ancestors owned the land and allowed the road to be built that was the beginning of the Trail of Tears
They stood by while thousands of people were removed from their homes and sent to Oklahoma
Many died along the way…
And then…A generation later, my maternal ancestors forced them to move again.
Talk about your karmic debt.
And that was when I realized that I had set these events in motion by noticing my resistance the day before and working to investigate it. It seemed clear that because I had stated my desire, there was work to be done on the Spiritual level in order for it to manifest.
I’m still not sure about heading to the reservation and asking for forgiveness, it feels like the awareness is enough. I do know for sure that when we find the house that we are seeking to manifest, we are going to have to heal the land and perform some kind of ritual to ask for forgiveness and express gratitude.
It feels like there is still more that Marcus wants me to know…so I’ve reached out to my medium friends to see if they can add any more information for me. The historical record is pretty sketchy. And for some reason, this is the route I have to go…I’ve even been told that Marcus will give them the name of one of his daughters so that I know it’s him. (yeah, I dunno why he doesn’t just say what I need to know…but whatever…they do things the way they do them)
After all of that research, Scott and I decided to dig into our records a bit further, and discovered that we have ancestors who we are certain knew each other, they lived in the same town at the same time and both had jobs that would have brought them into contact with one another….
But that…is just another chapter in the way things unfold in the life of an intuitive
And for sure…our lives and past lives are intertwined in ways that we can only dream of.